by Dale Crider

Down in the swamps and Florida sand
Where the Alligator tends the land
There lived a man named Jacob Jobe
He was the toughest on the swampland globe.
He feared not God nor cared for man
Except his wild and wicked clan
There were six boys big and bad
And they all followed right behind ole dad.
There were six girls big buxom gals
They danced the frolics with their pals
They danced and trippled on the hills
And sometimes tippled at the stills.
And then one day an awful rattlesnake
Bit the oldest boy, big wicked Jake,
Through his veins the poison flew
He's bound to die, what are we gonna do?
Well, they sent a runner into town
In haste to fetch a parson down
An Indian from Osceola's clan
He was as good an any in the land.
And he prayed a wonderous curious prayer
He used words both rich and rare
Whether heaven it reached or not
On earth it surely hit the spot
And he said...
"Oh God, we thank Thee for this here snake
That Thou hast sent to bit ol' Jake
To fetch him down from his high hoss
And lead him to the Savior's cross.
Oh God, He never would repent
Until this blessed snake was sent
He wouldn't mind his wicked ways
Until kind providence came today
And now oh God, the Great I Am
Please send us anothern' to bite ol' Sam
And Red and Tuck, the worst of rakes
Oh God, we need more rattlesnakes.
Send chicken snakes to bite the gals
And all their dancing wicked pals
And there's Ma Jobe, she needs one too
(Perhaps a cottonmouth would do).
Please send the biggest on the globe
To bite 01' Daddy Jacob Jobe
And now, oh God, before too late
Please hurry up these here Gospel Snakes
And save this 01' sunshine state
We ask it all for the palm trees sake"
... palm trees sake, Gospel Snakes...

No Prenatal Abortion—Give the kid a chance and then Decide  Deuteronomy, chapter 21

If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:  19: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; 20: And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.  21: And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.


God can use a Jackass for a Preacher in a Pinch Numbers, Chapter 22

And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab.22: And God's anger was kindled because he went: and the angel of the LORD stood in the way for an adversary against him. Now he was riding upon his ass, and his two servants were with him.  23: And the ass saw the angel of the LORD standing in the way, and his sword drawn in his hand: and the ass turned aside out of the way, and went into the field: and Balaam smote the ass, to turn her into the way.  24: But the angel of the LORD stood in a path of the vineyards, a wall being on this side, and a wall on that side.  25: And when the ass saw the angel of the LORD, she thrust herself unto the wall, and crushed Balaam's foot against the wall: and he smote her again.  26: And the angel of the LORD went further, and stood in a narrow place, where was no way to turn either to the right hand or to the left.  27: And when the ass saw the angel of the LORD, she fell down under Balaam: and Balaam's anger was kindled, and he smote the ass with a staff.   28: And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?  29: And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee.  30: And the ass said unto Balaam, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? And he said, Nay. 31: Then the LORD opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of the LORD standing in the way, and his sword drawn in his hand: and he bowed down his head, and fell flat on his face.  32:And the angel of the LORD said unto him, Wherefore hast thou smitten thine ass these three times? behold, I went out to withstand thee, because thy way is perverse before me:


Emrods Too Sore for Preparation “H” to Help

1 Samuel, chapter 5

1: And the Philistines took the ark of God, and brought it from Eben-ezer unto Ashdod.
2: When the Philistines took the ark of God, they brought it into the house of Dagon, and set it by Dagon.  3: And when they of Ashdod arose early on the morrow, behold, Dagon was fallen upon his face to the earth before the ark of the LORD. And they took Dagon, and set him in his place again. 4: And when they arose early on the morrow morning, behold, Dagon was fallen upon his face to the ground before the ark of the LORD; and the head of Dagon and both the palms of his hands were cut off upon the threshold; only the stump of Dagon was left to him.  5: Therefore neither the priests of Dagon, nor any that come into Dagon's house, tread on the threshold of Dagon in Ashdod unto this day.

6: But the hand of the LORD was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods, even Ashdod and the coasts thereof.  7: And when the men of Ashdod saw that it was so, they said, The ark of the God of Israel shall not abide with us: for his hand is sore upon us, and upon Dagon our god. 8: They sent therefore and gathered all the lords of the Philistines unto them, and said, What shall we do with the ark of the God of Israel? And they answered, Let the ark of the God of Israel be carried about unto Gath. And they carried the ark of the God of Israel about thither.  9: And it was so, that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts.  10: Therefore they sent the ark of God to Ekron. And it came to pass, as the ark of God came to Ekron, that the Ekronites cried out, saying, They have brought about the ark of the God of Israel to us, to slay us and our people.   11: So they sent and gathered together all the lords of the Philistines, and said, Send away the ark of the God of Israel, and let it go again to his own place, that it slay us not, and our people: for there was a deadly destruction throughout all the city; the hand of God was very heavy there.   12: And the men that died not were smitten with the emerods: and the cry of the city went up to heaven.                              

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